__Every death will take something from you, and you will still feel complete, in spite of that emptiness.__
We were little boys, playing at the grandmother’s yard. I do not remember exactly how Farid noticed that father had arrived, when he run toward him, and suddenly there was this dreadful sound of a car. It was a chaos. After that, only the feeling of loneliness remained with me.
It was 8:30 pm on December 18th, 2006. It was the one last night that I could see my father before losing him forever. He had suffered from kidney disease for the past 18 years. At the time, he was receiving dialysis three times a week. After each dialysis session, he would lose five kilogram of his weight within the first three hours. The 95% of the weight loss was back on the following day. That remaining 5 % was the weight of life that was being taken off my father. I could not tell how many 5% s, he had lost until that night, along with his physical strength.
At 9:30 pm. I looked at my father. He was sitting alone on the couch looking at us. He was looking at my sisters. I went over , and sat next to him. He looked at me, so did I. A long looking went on. He did not say anything, neither did I. we only stared at each other. Everything happened in a second. Just in a second everything changed.
These two deaths imposed solitude and difficulty upon us. After my father’s death, my mom, my two sisters and I, experienced the feelings of loneliness.
Loneliness has never been heartwarming. All the simple things in our lives gradually became more difficult and the loneliness grew greater. In 2008, almost one year after my father’s death, my country, Iran, went under the economic sanctions due to the nuclear energy issue. Like all the Iranians, these economic sanctions also affected our small family, as if the history of my family with the contemporary history of my country had crossed paths, and met in the intersection of agony.
With each day passing and with the new sanctions, the economy of our small household was brought down to the lowest, and life had become harder due to Iran’s economic inflation. In fact, these strategic and power-seeking games of the statesmen, directly affected the society and the people of the country. Unfortunately, people had to pay a serious price for these games.
It was after my father’s death, when, I realized the importance of photograph in life, and its perpetuating power in one’s memories. Then I wondered why I had not been more serious in photography. Why did not I have a good photo of my father? These questions and their emptiness will remain unanswered for me, but now, I have realized the importance of taking photographs.